Awesome week here…last weekend I was playing Settlers of Catan with my husband. He has a powerful mental field–Pluto conjunct Uranus on the ascendent. For years I simply blocked this. With Access awareness, I’ve been allowing awareness of it and my reactions to it. During this game, I had this moment where I’d usually react, and I didn’t. I surrendered instead of struggling to hold my own space. As an infinite being, how could I need to hold that? I AM that! It felt so interesting to shift years of habit in a moment, and observe how it changed the interpersonal space to something new.
The next day, I listened to Panache Desai on Darius Barazandeh’s YouWealth Revolution. This was the first time I remember hearing Panache. I noted immediately how similar some of his method and language is very similar to Access Consciousness. Big difference: Panache talks about and invokes the divine. He went right to something I’d sensed in Access that was only occasionally addressed there: the “Who does this belong to?” and some other Access tools easily become deflective, which is not the Access intent, however for beginners like myself, it is so easy to slip into. Then the thought, feeling, or emotion that comes into awareness becomes Other. Panache cut through this. Receive everything, it’s all divine, anything else is less than infinite being.
I went through the initial meditation mostly aware of my resistance rising from my bones. Ok, so receive everything, be everything, sounds great, but here I am totally resisting it and I don’t know why or where it comes from or anything. Then he started taking calls. Somewhere in there, my resistance shifted. My body contorted into an energy expression I recognized from bodyworkd sessions that touched on traumatic birth. There I was all twisted up, discomfort increasing–and then–one of the callers just resonated with something I guess…something changed. I felt I was holding my infant self in a new way, receiving her, receiving me. I have no sense of how much time passed, a few more callers on the show, and somehow I was receiving everything. As if that initial experience of not being received at birth, of not receiving the world at birth, was healed.
I was receiving! For the first time truly receiving. Felt like butter melting into hot toast. Pulses of energy receiving whatever–emotions, thoughts, reactions, sensory information, other people’s thoughts and feelings, judgements and judgements on the judgements, and urges to suppress feelings, thoughts, judgements. On and on, receiving it all, all of it melting to the nothing it truly is. Infinite receiving.
Couple of days went by like this. Receiving feels amazingly good–who knew? The sense of not holding onto any of it. Of no necessity to take any of it. Just letting it all through. Being in the present, receiving the beauty of a flower, my cat, food, being with my family. Mind-ego gets so activated. Gotta get busy getting involved in this receiving thing! Figure this out, figure a way into it. Ah, mind.
Then I saw that this only happened when there was something rising into awareness from unconsciousness. This takes time, during which receiving is muffled, giving mind more space to jump in and do/analyze/react/get overwhelmed, check out. That scared me: what if this receiving was temporary and goes away? Fear! Even though I grokked it so thoroughly I’d have to make that happen; it’s not going to happen by itself!
Then today, I caught some of Jeneth Blackert’s interview with Christian Pankhurst on New Wealth Revolution. He’s talking about receiving too, just the way it feels to me! He’s been at it way longer than the less-than-a-week of yours truly, so he had some pointers. I’m going to listen to the replay.
Meanwhile, I’m still clearing the 64 Human Design gates with the Emotion Code. I’m up to gate 23 now. The switched on gates generally need a lot less clearing. I’m also listening to Jo Dunning every day. This week I’ve been doing disk 10 from the collection of 12 cds of her Tuesday night calls from some years ago. One of the processes is for activating the 64 strands of the DNA. Notice anything? After listening 3 times I made this connection: what I’m doing with the Emotion Code with the gates is essentially the same as what this energy process is clearing. Cool!
Another energy process on that Jo Dunning disk increases our capacity for light. Synchronistically, I was listening to this just prior to the solar eclipse last week that was aligned with the galactic center. A cyclic event occurring every 26,000 or so years… Eclipses are alignments that open a sort of door for information to enter our Earthly sphere of consciousness, like getting an upgrade from the universe.
During the eclipse itself I received the awareness that this galactic light coming to Earth isn’t easy for “us”–meaning everything and every being in our solar system–to integrate. I made a lichen essence recently that helps with this, and I called on that deva to assist.
Then I received that the Moon would welcome our healing intentions. The Moon’s orbit is essentially the boundary of Earth’s etheric & astral field–the equivalent of our etheric and astral bodies–Earth’s aura. All our emotions, thoughts, beliefs and so forth have created a soup swimming around our planet, through which Moon passes like a Photoshop smudge tool. I felt it–like extreme warm humidity only liquid. Not pleasant. No wonder Moon wants a Bars session!
Moon asked for this to happen during the new moon in July, when both Moon and Sun are in Cancer, the sign Moon rules. Stay tuned for more about this. What a wild year!